Artists Reading The Poems Of Les Barker, Poet & Professional Idiot:

Nik Kershaw + The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr Rowan Williams + ­John Benns with Fairport Convention feat. Wurzel + Mikey Hughes + ­The Mrs. Ackroyd Band + Roger Lloyd Pack + Keith Donnelly + Bob Harris + The Austin Lounge Lizards + James Naughtie + Nonny James + Norma Dixit + Simon Mayor and Hilary James + Garry O’Donoghue + ­Sniff Patrol + Barry Farrimond + Jez Lowe + Shirley Henderson + Edward de Souza + Richard Briers + Jill Grant & Alan Berry + Bernard Wrigley +­ Ken Galipeau + Jeremy Taylor + George Hamilton iv + Chumbawamba + Alan Titchmarsh + Reg Webb +  Les Barker + Dave Cash + Bernard Cribbins + The King’s Singers + The Haley Sisters featuring Ric Sanders + Shep Woolley + ­ Isla St Clair + Charles Collingwood + Norma Waterson + Susan Jameson + Louis de Berniere with Tom Bliss + Sian Phillips +  Wheeler Street Featuring Roy Bailey + Dan and Gene.

(Now in 4 Volumes)

GUIDE CATS FOR THE BLIND

SONGS AND POEMS OF LES BARKER

Label: Osmosys Distributor: Proper Music.

A two CD set released to raise funds for,                        The British Computer Association of the Blind.   

Click on You Tube link to hear Charlotte Green read 'Voicemail'

Featuring Les Barker, Terry Wogan, Mark & Lard, Johnnie Walker, Charlotte Green, Brian Perkins, Peter White, Paul Gambaccini, Nicky Campbell, Roy Hudd, Ken Bruce, Nicholas Parsons, Dave Cash+Five Guide Cats Of Arijaba, Mike Harding, Sally Boazman, Ned Sherrin, Sarah Kennedy, Brian Matthew, Bill Cadddick, Sir Jimmy Young, Gerard McDermot, June Tabor, Heinz Wolf, Nonny James, Genevieve Tudor, Allan Beswick, Ryan Kelly, Cyril Tawney, Sic Transit, Bernard Wrigley, Billy Butler, Martin Carthy, Galliard, Trevor Peacock, Roger Lloyd Pack, Ian MacMillan. 

What Is The British Computer Association Of The Blind?                           (Registered Charity - SCO23234)

BCAB is an UK organisation of visually impaired people who use information and communications technology. Their membership ranges from experienced computer professionals, to people who are beginning to explore the use of information and communications technology for leisure, study or employment. Please go to the BCAB web site www.bcab.org.uk  for further information.

Who Is Les Barker?

Excerpt From A Short Biography, From The Age Of Three Until Nearly Teatime. 

Les Barker writes strange poems and comes from Manchester, but he is now Welsh. He was an accountant before he became a professional idiot. He's written 68 books, which sell in large numbers at his gigs mainly because people don't quite believe what they've just heard. 

Les began his career as assistant to Mrs Ackroyd, a small hairy mongrel who lay around in folk clubs, bit people, and became famous. Mrs Ackroyd was the only dog ever to own her own record label. Since her sad demise, Les is mainly a solo performer, though he has taken to working with humans from time to time. 

Les is well known for his cardigans and cuts a dash in the fashion world where he is much respected as a leading exponent of the woollen garment in all its splendour.

His poems have spawned a number of folk heroes: Jason and the Arguments, Cosmo the Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower, Captain Indecisive and Spot of the Antarctic, to name but two.

Les has several solo albums to his credit: 'Dogologues', An Infinite Number Of Occasional Tables', 'A Cardi And Bloke', 'Up The Creek Without A Poodle' and his new album, 'Dark Side of the Mongrel.'   

Les Barker - Guide Cats For The Blind Ken Bruce - Across The Plains Of Africa
Mike Harding - Curse Of The Baskervilles Ned Sherrin - Stamped Addressed Antelope
Sarah Kennedy - Sprouts Sir Jimmy Young - Reg The Vegetable Gardener
Bill Caddick - Custard Creams Gerard McDermott - Waste Not, Want Not                     Brian Perkins - Shipping Forecast Sally Boazman - Crawl Of The Light Brigade
Johnnie Walker - The Man Next Door's A Burglar June Tabor - Git A Long Little Dogie
Heinz Wolff - Administerium & The Science Of Unclear Physics
Nonny James - Nobody Hugs A Hedgehog Allan Beswick - Jehovah's Witness At The Door Ryan Kelly - Blessed Are The Meek Cyril Tawney - Sammy's Bar Revisited
Nicholas Parsons - Amnesia Paul Gambaccini - The Last But One Of The Mohicans
Dave Cash + Five Guide Cats of Arijaba - Detritus/Tu Haiku (Barker/Lever)

Click On You Tube Link To Hear Brian Perkins Read                 'The Shipping Forecast'

Sic Transit - Sidney (Barker/Thompson) Terry Wogan - Have You Got Any News Of The Iceberg? Nonny James - Spot Of The Antarctic Roy Hudd - An Infinite Number Of Occasional Tables Bernard Wrigley - The Man Who Was Eaten By His Own Bum (Barker/Wrigley) Charlotte Green - VoiceMail Billy Butler - It Was The Surprise More Than Anything Martin Carthy - Hard Cheese Of Old England Peter White - I Can't Find My Camouflage Net Dave Cash - Detritus Brian Matthew - The Dog Formerly Known As Prince Galliard - The Unigate Milkman Trevor Peacock - Captain Indecisive
Roger Lloyd Pack - One Legged Horse Cyril Tawney - Lassie Free and Easy
Ian MacMillan - Ancient Mariner.com Nicky Campbell - The Phoenix Genevieve Tudor - Everything Glows (Barker/Porter) Mark and Lard - Jason and the Arguments
Les Barker - Déjà Vu. 

How Can You help?

The BCAB will benefit from any exposure you can offer via press, radio play or word of mouth. Benefits will come to the BCAB and its members in two ways. The first benefit will be financial as all proceeds other than the manufacturing and the very minimum administration costs will see the bulk of all earnings going to the BCAB. The association will also be able to sell the CD direct to the public through their many fund raising activities.

Label: Osmosys Catalogue Number: OSMO CD 032 Distributor: Proper Music.

The Players

John Humphrys, Joss Ackland, Harvey Andrews with John Shepherd, Prunella Scales Timothy West, Les Barker, Emma Chambers, Tom Paxton, Jeremy Vine, Nonny James, Genevieve Tudor, Ed Stewart, Steve Tilston, Frank Hennessey, Ryan Kelly, Roger Lloyd Pack, Rodney Bewes, Sic Transit, Desmond Carrington, Gerard McDermott, Trevor Peacock and last but not least The Mrs Ackroyd Band.

The Stealth Comma - John Humphrys,
If - Joss Ackland
A Crufts Conversation - Prunella Scales
Cosmo The Fairly Accurate Knife Thrower- Les Barker (Genius)
I Don’t Like My Boomerang – Emma Chambers
Will the Turtle Be Unbroken - Tom Paxton
My Snails Have Not Yet Arrived - Timothy West & Prunella Scales
Napoleon’s Circular Retreat from Reading – Jeremy Vine 
Lorna the Library Book Burglar – Nonny James
Travel Iron – Genevieve Tudor
Spot Was Not Like the Rest – Ed Stewart
Dipsticks & Seals – Steve Tilston
Death by Daffodils – Frank Hennessy
Self Knowledge – Ryan Kelly
Non Sequitors – Roger Lloyd Pack
One Way Cul De Sac – Rodney Bewes
The King of Rome – Sic Transit
The Undead Parrott – Desmond Carrington
King Harold Was a Ventriloquist – Gerard McDermott
A Very English Thing – Trevor Peacock
The Lemmings Reunion – The Mrs Ackroyd Band   

CD Booklet notes by Paul Donovan Radio Columnist of The Sunday Times.

I have a confession. I never thought Guide Cats for the Blind would be a great success. A mixed bag of radio folk reading strange poems by a relatively unknown Mancunian called Les Barker? Happily I was quite wrong. The combination of his extraordinarily clever wordplay, his stature on the folk circuit - even if the London-dominated literary and media worlds have yet to discover him - and the presence of names like Terry Wogan and Charlotte Green, was such to ensure healthy sales. That double CD has now raised over £21,000 for the British Computer Association of the Blind, a charity that helps people across a whole range of visual impairments to get the most out of their computers. In my experience this community, if it can be called that, contains the most erudite and enthusiastic radio listeners anywhere. 

That was two years ago. The Missing Persians File is the sequel, again created by Clive Lever. It follows the same successful format: surreal and funny verse from the prolific Les Barker read (or sung) by stars of music and broadcasting. I'm not a member of the BCAB, just a maverick critic, and my personal view is that it's rather better than Volume 1 - the imagery sharper, the music more tuneful, the puns more inventive. 

JOHN HUMPHRYS begins it, just as he so often begins the day for Radio 4 listeners. His reading of The Stealth Comma reflects both his own keen interest in punctuation and Barker's hostility to "smart" bombs. Today's senior presenter might also approve of the second poem, If, read by JOSS ACKLAND, which is as savage about lying politicians as it is faithful to Kipling's great work on which it is based.

HARVEY ANDREWS and JOHN SHEPHERD come next, using vocals, jazz piano and whistling to render the title track, and they're followed by the first of two appearances from PRUNELLA SCALES, adopting her best Morningside accent to engage in A Crufts Conversation about dogs. LES BARKER himself follows, regaling for an appreciative live audience the saga of Cosmo, The Fairly Accurate Knife-Thrower in the style of Marriott Edgar's lugubrious classic Albert and the Lion. EMMA CHAMBERS, best known as the dim blonde verger from The Vicar of Dibley, continues in comic vein with I Don't Like My Boomerang, before American folk legend TOM PAXTON sings - in his beautiful mellow voice and with marvellous string accompaniment - Will the Turtle Be Unbroken.

PRUNELLA SCALES now returns to partner her husband TIMOTHY WEST, she as a French waitress and he as a remarkably patient man who spends his entire life in a restaurant because, as he says, My Snails Have Not Yet Arrived. JEREMY VINE reveals in Napoleon's Circular Retreat from Reading that it was in fact the county town of Berkshire rather than the capital of Russia that engaged Bonaparte's attentions in 1812 - when its hellish one-way system prevented him from getting out of it. NONNY JAMES, presenter of the blues and folk show, Fretwork, on BBC Radio Shropshire and BBC Hereford and Worcester, paints a sensual portrait of Lorna The Library Book Burglar, a well-read kleptomaniac "who hides James Joyce in the place of his choice", and then her BBC Radio Shropshire colleague GENEVIEVE TUDOR recalls a wandering Travel Iron - again in front of a live audience in Birmingham.

In Spot Was Not Like the Rest, ED STEWART chronicles the travails of an unusual zebra called Spot, a full-stop among barcodes. Folk guitarist STEVE TILSTON nods affectionately towards those who love messing about with rusty old motors in Dipsticks and Seals, FRANK HENNESSY spoofs one of Wordsworth's most celebrated ballads in Death By Daffodils, and RYAN KELLY, the blind actor who plays sighted Jazzer in The Archers, ponders Self-Knowledge.

ROGER LLOYD PACK who, like Emma, is best known for The Vicar of Dibley, has a pair of Non Sequiturs, which he uses for not pruning the roses; RODNEY BEWES lives in a once pleasant road that is now, sadly, a One Way Cul-de-sac; and SIC TRANSIT, the Kent folk duo consisting of Clive Lever and Don Thompson, sing, unaccompanied, the saga of The King Of Rome, who is not a potentate but a pigeon.

The avian theme is maintained by DESMOND CARRINGTON in The Undead Parrot, though this particular bird is one to be avoided, since it comes from Transylvania and eats sparrows by the score. 

The partially-sighted actor GERARD McDERMOTT, in the last of the recordings in front of an audience in Birmingham, offers the fascinating but little-known fact that King Harold Was A Ventriloquist and met not only the Normans at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 but also Cosmo the dodgy knife-thrower. That's one in the eye for you, Harold!  TREVOR PEACOCK, the third member of the Vicar of Dibley cast to appear, recalls a clifftop picnic interrupted by a man who falls over the edge - in a very English way, of course. The final track is Les's own MRS ACKROYD BAND singing The Lemmings' Reunion, a somewhat sparsely attended event. It's a poignant, harmonious and in its own way rather lovely end to a delightful album. 

EyeT4All

By Dr. Mike Townsend, Chair BCAB.

Blind and partially sighted people are being left behind when it comes to information technology. Computers and internet connections can be more beneficial to them than for sighted people. 

Many blind and partially sighted people experience social isolation. This results from difficulties in getting out of their homes, finding their way around, and getting information including communicating with other people. 

Take, for example sending a letter. This presents huge challenges for blind people. Difficulties include: Writing the letter, correcting it, getting an address on to an envelop, putting on a stamp (the correct way up!), finding a post-box and getting to it. When a reply comes, some one must be found to read it.

Blind people just love email. It can be read out immediately through speech synthesis, and replying is just the press of a key. 

The vast amount of information on the world wide web can replace a personal library of unreadable print books.

Information technology has so much to offer blind people. The “EyeT4All” programme is being developed to show blind people what is possible, to enthuse them, and point them in the right direction with affordable solutions and training.

The work so far has included seeking and evaluating suitable solutions. This has involved evaluations according to a template indicating usability and affordability. The programme will not give a theoretical technical approach, but a practical solutions based presentation.  

A small pilot based on a limited product range, has been run. A one day presentation has been defined and developed.

The programme will be rolled out across various locations in the Autumn. Links have been established with local voluntary societies for the blind who are keen to host the days. 

Label: Osmosys Catalogue Number: OSMO CD 041 Distributor: Proper Music

Dave Cash + Nonny James + Roger Lloyd Pack + Joss Ackland + Robert Lindsay
Les Barker +  Jenny Agutter + Tim Brooke-Taylor + Edward de Souza + Prunella Scales Trevor Peacock + Tony Hawks + Tessa Peake–Jones + Andrew Sachs                 Michael Cochrane + Peter Donaldson + Judi Spiers + Ken Bruce + Norma Dixit      Gerard McDermott + Christopher Cazenove + Clare Balding & Jimmy McGrath.

Dave Cash -- The Franco Prussian War Of The Spanish Succession
Nonny James -- Top Cat White Tie & Tails
Roger Lloyd Pack -- Knot
Joss Ackland -- An Admission
Robert Lindsay -- The Mask Of Mono
Les Barker -- The Church Of The Wholly Undecided
Jenny Agutter -- Bungee Jumping For Lemmings + Garden Waste
Tim Brooke-Taylor -- Mute Swan + The Author’s Story
Edward de Souza -- Disaster At Sea + The Secret
Prunella Scales -- No May
Trevor Peacock -- Inconsonants
Tony Hawks -- I Used To Be A Singer In A Rock Band
Tessa Peake–Jones -- Acupuncture
Andrew Sachs -- On Performing Poetry + Leonardo da Thingy
Michael Cochrane -- Home Improvement
Peter Donaldson -- My Phones Out Of Order
Judi Spiers -- Go Stay & Fetch
Ken Bruce -- MacPhersons Lament
Norma Dixit -- Reg Was A Lonely Glow Worm
Gerard McDermott -- The Y Files
Christopher Cazenove -- Chronology
Clare Balding & Jimmy McGrath -- The Charge Of The Light Brigade 

Accredited Media

To assist with the promotion Les Barker is available for interviews along with Clive Lever a member of the BCAB. It was Clive who conceived the idea to get stars from radio, television and the stage to recite the poems of Les Barker. 

The British Computer Association of the Blind wishes to thank all the artists and everybody involved for your total support of this project in your own time and at no cost. We would like to thank all those performers who contributed to the previous albums which have now raised in excess of £35,000. 

(BCAB Registered Charity - SCO23234)

Les Barker - The Heart Attack -- The Official Story

A statement from Les Barker. --From teatime on the 5th of Jan 2008 until now.

“It happened about teatime on 5th January and I assumed it was heartburn following a particularly sticky shepherd’s pie in a college canteen at lunchtime. I spent the evening taking part in the local Mari Llwyd tour (an ancient ritual involving going from pub to pub with a horse's skull on a stick) with some of my fellow organiser's of Tegeingl, next August’s new folk festival in Mold. I didn't feel very well, but I was a lot better off than the horse.

Next morning, the discomfort still hadn't gone, so I went to a doctor, who sent me to Wrexham Maelor Hospital, where they pronounced it to be a heart attack, and I was promptly thrombolised. They dissolved a clot in my heart, and from then onwards I felt fine. For the last week I've been having tablets and injections to bring down the pulse rate and blood pressure, while sitting by my bed attempting a very long poem in Welsh using each of the twenty four classical metres. I just wanted to know if I can do it. On the 11th Jan I was released into the community with a large supply of pills; I am experimenting with deep fried aspirin.
 
I have to have an angiogram later this month, which may or may not lead to some further treatment. January's gigs have been cancelled; February’s are still on. In March I was to have gone to Australia for a month, but it seems sensible to put that back a year in case the further treatment's necessary. In the meantime I'll sit and look out of the window at the Clwydian Hills and try to finish the poem.

The staff at Wrexham Maelor Hospital were excellent. If I have to be ill again, I'll try to do it in the same place”.

Issued on behalf of Les Barker (www.mrsackroyd.com) & Guide Cats for the Blind.  

On behalf of Les we would like to thank everyone who has sent their good wishes and various greetings. We never knew there were so many ways to wish someone well.  The good news is that Les has now rescheduled his life and is back in harness with a lighter workload. The dog however who haunts this website remains deceased

If you are a fan of Les Barker's 'Shipping Forecast' as read by BBC Radio 4's Brian Perkins check out Charlie Connelly's book 'Attention All Shipping' www.charlieconnelly.com 

Accredited Media Contact

Pat Tynan Media
PO Box 785
Ickenham
Uxbridge
Middx
England UB10 8WQ

Tel: +44 (0) 1895 631336 Mobile 07985 400297
pattynan@btinternet.com + www.pattynanmedia.com

Providing recorded music to associated media, radio producers, film and documentary makers.